Pool of Purgatory
My wife woke me this morning from what was probably my weirdest dream ever.
In my dream I had died and was sent to purgatory. In purgatory there was a rather large swimming pool with largish 2’x2′ stepping stones in a cross pattern in the middle of it. At the end of the pool, about where the diving board would be, there was a platform. On this platform was the MC for the coming festivities. I think it was Wink Martindale but I’m not sure as I was too busy looking at the line of people that stretched down the length of the pool and out the door.
I was standing in the middle of the cross of stones in the pool and Wink starts announcing what’s about to happen. It was explained that the line of people was everyone I had ever wronged in my entire life. Ever. No matter how slight the offense nor how indirect. Each of these people carried and item that they would get one chance to throw at me. If they could knock me off the cross into the pool I went to hell. If I could survive the entire line I got to go to heaven. There were at least 100 people waiting next to the pool with God knows how many lined up outside waiting their chance to send me to hell.
First up was Nancy Reagan. My wrong against her was making fun of her ‘Just say No’ campaign. She stepped to the platform, wound up, and chucked a danish at my head. WTF? I dodged it easily and she stepped down.
Next up was a kid that looked mildly retarded. I was told that I once made fun of him at a baseball game. He stepped up and tried to bean me with a teddy bear. I had no problem stepping out of the line of that one. He had no arm and no aim.
Then Kirstey Ally stepped to bat. I guess I made fun of her wieght or something. She winged a full container of Jiffy Pop popcorn at my. She had a good arm and it bounced off my shoulder.
Next I saw someone climbing the platform carrying a compact car. Yes, a compact car like a Ford Focus or something. Oh crap. The announcer started telling me of my crimes against this person.
Then my wife woke me.
I never got to hear who it was that could carry a car but I’m glad I didn’t have to dodge it.